Entry 1

In the beginning there was darkness…

I remember those early days. The first time. So full of rage.

And yet, the moment after, there was so much exhilaration.

Such an odd dichotomy…

One second, I felt like the darkness inside of me was eating me alive, a creature ripping its way out of me trying to escape…

 And then, it suddenly became the thing that comforted me.

It felt like the world momentarily became clear, but it was a fleeting thing. Like a fragrance that intoxicates you and then vanishes leaving you to wonder what the source was.

I think back on that day with a fond sadness.

Given the chance to change things, would I?

Awakening that part of me came at such a high cost, but so much has been gained since.

I’m more alive than I ever was before, and yet I still don’t know if it was worth her death.

That’s something that will always haunt me, a demon I can never exorcise.

I suppose when my time comes, I’ll have to ask her if she felt it was worth it. If she’s upset that I finally moved on. But until that day, the hunt will continue…